*Overly busy parents of today, who have delegated the upbringing of their children to nannies and 鈥榣esson鈥� teachers must balance their busy schedules with quality time to get to know their wards and afford their kids the space to know them also

Austun Ogannah

News channels and social media were recently awash with a video of the Chrisland Schools鈥� scandal involving lurid acts by underage children.

This despicable sexual encounter occurred in a hotel room in Dubai and was recorded by one of the kids using a mobile phone.

When the video went viral, I cast my mind back to the time when I was very young, like those schoolchildren, and immediately shuddered at the thought of contemplating such an act.

It would have been quite impossible to even think of it, much less brazenly get involved in anything of that nature.

I feared for the consequences that would have befallen anyone of my era, who went as far as making an attempt to be in anything close to an inch of the nonsense that the Chrisland kids reportedly indulged in.

I doubt if such a kid, in my era, would have survived the tribulation that would be unleashed on him or her as a penalty from family, religious institutions, school, social groups and the community at large.

In my early secondary days, everyone was expected to bear the responsibility of living up to the image of their family and the name they bore, the faith they professed, the social grouping to which they belonged and the community from which they emerged.

It is not the same today. Not only have we adopted foreign habits that have placed a wedge between an individual and members of the extended family, who play crucial roles in the upbringing of children that bear the family鈥檚 name so that they do nothing to bring it into disrepute.

We have mostly discarded the moral injunctions of our religious faiths with rationalised excuses of the modern era and no longer have the advantages of social groupings and community-aided upbringing to augment the efforts of parents in nurturing and raising children that are balanced, sound, morally upright and responsible members of society.

We have left the very significant task of raising these kids that will be responsible for the country鈥檚 fortunes to an increasing pair of parents, unequipped for the digital age, different from the milieu in which they themselves were raised.

The truth is that having lost the nurturing safeguards that ensured an adherence to prim and proper behaviour of the kids of my time and those before it and living in an era of Internet connectivity and social media pressure, today鈥檚 child upbringing must be cognisant of the context within which the child exists, on the one hand.

While adapting to the spirit of the times, on the other hand, so as to engineer the best models to employ in bringing up well-balanced children that are in tune with the digital age.

For this to be, the 21st Century parent will need to understand the dynamics of social media influence on the impressionable minds of their young children, the negative residue it deposits on them, its positive silver lining and how to navigate the tightrope of balancing their parenting accordingly.

Addiction to social media interactions is a real contemporary issue. This is enabled all the more by the always-on, always-connected, always-available, always-mobile facility of the ubiquitous smartphone.

We are all guilty of this addiction. And, it is kept alive by the FOMO phenomenon: The Fear Of Missing Out.

The mobile apps of these social media platforms have been purposely designed, as research has proved, to promote further addiction enticing subscribers to scroll mindlessly as they browse, chat, react, comment, reply and share their lives with connected 鈥渇riends鈥� near and far.

It is even more so within younger demographics, as smartphone ownership among this age group has exploded with the availability and affordability of the devices.

The addiction feeds on a longing in the user to become part of the virtual world, to participate in the online life, to belong where his or her peers belong.

It comes with the unrelenting pressure to check for notifications, to keep up with updates, to add a new profile picture with something more recent, to post a new status, to ensure that one is in vogue.

This FOMO is very real for the youngster, who has tasted the lure of a connected online life.

For a kid in a developmental period of growth, these addictions can harm his or her ability to develop healthy and appropriate social skills that are necessary for a balanced adult life. The kids鈥� propensity for the virtual world and desire to appear likable online evokes in them a tendency to overindulge in taking photographs and more willing to try abominable acts so as to fit into the category of those having 鈥渇un鈥�.

They become so focused on their physical appearance that it becomes an obsessive behaviour.

Yet, it is all part of the burden to get more 鈥淟ikes鈥� and positive reinforcements. This search for external adulations obstructs their ability to actually discover their true selves and real identities in an authentic manner.

Because the kid鈥檚 focus is towards the external, the endearing intimate characteristic of close-knit families is lost.

There is a breakdown of communication and the safety a child should feel within the family bloc suffers. Quality time that could have been spent together with family members is auctioned off to the social media platform that can grab the teenager鈥檚 attention and not let go.

While on social media, many kids also suffer exposure to all kinds of unsavoury content. They have access to material that is age-restricted, from where they learn of subjects that are above their capacity to appropriately handle.

This practically warps their minds in irreparable ways. In addition, teens have met cyberbullies online and have been exposed to outlandish ideas and hate-based rhetoric that they are not yet mentally equipped to sift through for their own sakes.

They end up being victims of influential 鈥渘o-gooders鈥� who prey on young, impressionable minds to sow their seeds of discord, malice, nastiness, wickedness, mischief and malevolent behaviour. However, it is not all negative.

Youngsters across the world have mobilised online with their mates to campaign for one good cause or the other.

In the United States of America, although some kids are not old enough to vote, they have leveraged social media to educate themselves and their peers on topics ranging from gun violence to racial justice to climate change.

Elsewhere, young children have organised protests and made sure their voices are heard on issues that concern them.

Most of these could never have happened without the capacity that social media platforms offer and which savvy digital age children have embraced to advance goodwill in society and the world at large, finding real ways to add value to their lives.

Our kids can use these same tools to discover great content online, find opportunities for the remote employment of their time, skills and talent.

They can even find better ways to do their homework and finish their household chores in double-quick time.

The apps can serve the family鈥檚 purpose just as well. Family groups on social media platforms like Facebook and WhatsApp allow members keep abreast of events in each other鈥檚 lives, help them keep track of schedules, locations and make sure every member can be reached and can reach one another at the press of a button.

What this points to is the fact that the use of the Internet and social media images of themselves are not the problem. It is the addiction to its use and the loopholes in effective parenting that have resulted in the problems the smartphone and connected devices are causing.

The dedication of the parents of old to the very important duty of raising children must be re-mastered. Overly busy parents of today, who have delegated the upbringing of their children to nannies and 鈥榣esson鈥� teachers must balance their busy schedules with quality time to get to know their wards and afford their kids the space to know them also. These opportunities to bond with their kids will present the chance to talk openly about subjects, such as the inherent dangers of addiction in general and addiction to social media with its attendant consequences for developing a wholesome personality. Done right, this gives kids a sense of self-worth because they have been seen as worth reasoning with rationally.

Furthermore, parents have to responsibly set limits and boundaries for the use of social media at home and they ought to lead by example in this regard. This will help them and their kids to devote time to family interactions, verbal and non-verbal communications, and maintain a good physical disposition towards living a more healthy and balanced life. Stressing the importance of doing chores around the house and the responsibility of dedication to school activities can help refocus the minds of children on their primary duties as responsible children to their parents and other members of the family and community in general.

The role of the religious institutions cannot be left out. Their responsibility of pursuing good morals cannot be abdicated.

The danger of dwelling mostly on gospels of prosperity has not helped the society and the behaviour of today鈥檚 children is a sordid reflection of the premium placed on the wrong values.

Religious institutions must play their part, therefore, to help the society raise responsible individuals from the cradle to the grave.

Finally, a restoration of moral values implies that the teaching of morals within the academic system must be revived. The removal of moral education from the school curriculum has not been to the advantage of anyone.

Therefore, we ought to reintroduce moral education to the academic foundation of tomorrow鈥檚 Nigeria.

We should adapt parenting styles to the age we have found ourselves with the aid of both religious and academic pillars of the society, if we are to forestall further revelations of acts that have resulted in the shutdown of all Chrisland schools due to recorded underage sex and distribution of same on social media. (Piece extracted from The WILL)

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